Copyright: Siddhartha Banerjee. All material on this blog is protected by copyright
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, November 9, 2009
Death of a stranger
Manik kaku, a dear uncle whom I have always loved deeply, succumbed today morning, after struggling with a coma-like situation for nearly two days in a government hospital where there were no doctors to see him because it was the ‘weekend’.
His struggle, in fact, stretches back much further – nearly three decades of fight with an extremely painful and ruinous drug-addiction, which was, nevertheless, his only true friend ever since he had stepped out of his teen. And even before that – the sensitive and vulnerable boy of seven losing his father and forced to come face-to-face with a strange world full of insecurity, alienation, and fear.
The word ‘Manik’ in Bengali means ‘jewel’. I don’t know to what extent he had been able to justify his name during his life (and what are the yardsticks), but Manik kaku was certainly one of the most talented, sensitive, compassionate, and honest human beings I have seen in my life. My father’s side is generally a talented lot; and yet, among my father's cousins, Manik kaku always stood tall – at over six feet, even physically. At seventeen, tall and extremely good-looking, he had an athletic physique and was already well versed in skills as diverse as judo and painting (he had a God-gifted talent in painting). Under the bright exterior however, maybe what always lurked was an id-like desire to return to the safety of a mythical childhood which he never had, and to his father whom he knew he would never get back.
Those were the eighties - hippies and drugs ruled the youth culture in Calcutta . And especially vulnerable were people like my Manik kaku, who were too honest, too innocent, and too sensitive for the world in which they found themselves. They wanted to hide, to run away from themselves, from the terrifying reality all around them. Was that the beginning of his ‘death-wish’? – I don’t know. My father, who undrstood human psychology far better than me, could have possibly answered.
Ever since Manik kaku got into drugs, he was mostly criticized (sometimes scorned) by relatives. Among the few exceptions were my parents, who were deeply attached to him ever since he was a child, and continued to treat him with love, empathy, and respect due for every human being, especially a man like him. He in turn, always loved my parents as few others did.
While many people tried to persuade him to come out of his addiction, not too many could really go into the depth of his soul and see the disfigured world as he saw it. Hence, their reasonings were not of much help. Time and again he himself struggled to come out of it; made genuine attempts, refrained for a while, and again plunged right into it like a helpless kid who didn’t knew how to face the world. During all these years there were numerous hospitalizations, accidents, broken bones (requiring insertion of steel plates in his hand and legs), asylums (some shockingly corrupt ones), gradual change in physical appearance, self-inflicted wounds… in fact, the God-gifted health and the God-like physique took a long time – decades - to be destroyed, slowly and meticulously, by injecting poisonous narcotics in his veins year after year – a helpless inhuman suicide which stretched painfully for so long. While he continued to scream for help and support during all these years, we could only see the cruel six-foot tall drug-addict who makes his widowed mother (my father’s aunt) - and all around him – suffer.
As his health gradually floundered and he had to stop working because of his deteriorating condition, money became more and more sparse. Today, when I called his mother, she told me that she had failed because she could not get her son admitted to a private nursing home, which was beyond her – but which could have saved her son’s life. As the meaning of her words gradually filtered through me, long after the conversation was over, the enormity and the absolute reality of her helplessness made me feel like screaming: against a society which condemned a sensitive and innocent child like Manik kaku to death, against the monstrous indifference and corruption of the medical profession in West Bengal where patients who cannot afford a nursing home has to invariably die (inspite of the taxes we continue to pay to maintain the government hospitals), against the dead Manik kaku who could not save himself from all these, and most of all against myself for not being able to do anything, for just standing and watching as a fellow human being died (are the doctors listening?). I wanted to scream and cry and do something about it – and all I could do is write this blog which doesn’t mean anything.
He lived all his life in pain and alienation, and died helplessly, almost unloved... like a complete stranger.
(November 9, 2009)
His struggle, in fact, stretches back much further – nearly three decades of fight with an extremely painful and ruinous drug-addiction, which was, nevertheless, his only true friend ever since he had stepped out of his teen. And even before that – the sensitive and vulnerable boy of seven losing his father and forced to come face-to-face with a strange world full of insecurity, alienation, and fear.
The word ‘Manik’ in Bengali means ‘jewel’. I don’t know to what extent he had been able to justify his name during his life (and what are the yardsticks), but Manik kaku was certainly one of the most talented, sensitive, compassionate, and honest human beings I have seen in my life. My father’s side is generally a talented lot; and yet, among my father's cousins, Manik kaku always stood tall – at over six feet, even physically. At seventeen, tall and extremely good-looking, he had an athletic physique and was already well versed in skills as diverse as judo and painting (he had a God-gifted talent in painting). Under the bright exterior however, maybe what always lurked was an id-like desire to return to the safety of a mythical childhood which he never had, and to his father whom he knew he would never get back.
Those were the eighties - hippies and drugs ruled the youth culture in Calcutta . And especially vulnerable were people like my Manik kaku, who were too honest, too innocent, and too sensitive for the world in which they found themselves. They wanted to hide, to run away from themselves, from the terrifying reality all around them. Was that the beginning of his ‘death-wish’? – I don’t know. My father, who undrstood human psychology far better than me, could have possibly answered.
Ever since Manik kaku got into drugs, he was mostly criticized (sometimes scorned) by relatives. Among the few exceptions were my parents, who were deeply attached to him ever since he was a child, and continued to treat him with love, empathy, and respect due for every human being, especially a man like him. He in turn, always loved my parents as few others did.
While many people tried to persuade him to come out of his addiction, not too many could really go into the depth of his soul and see the disfigured world as he saw it. Hence, their reasonings were not of much help. Time and again he himself struggled to come out of it; made genuine attempts, refrained for a while, and again plunged right into it like a helpless kid who didn’t knew how to face the world. During all these years there were numerous hospitalizations, accidents, broken bones (requiring insertion of steel plates in his hand and legs), asylums (some shockingly corrupt ones), gradual change in physical appearance, self-inflicted wounds… in fact, the God-gifted health and the God-like physique took a long time – decades - to be destroyed, slowly and meticulously, by injecting poisonous narcotics in his veins year after year – a helpless inhuman suicide which stretched painfully for so long. While he continued to scream for help and support during all these years, we could only see the cruel six-foot tall drug-addict who makes his widowed mother (my father’s aunt) - and all around him – suffer.
As his health gradually floundered and he had to stop working because of his deteriorating condition, money became more and more sparse. Today, when I called his mother, she told me that she had failed because she could not get her son admitted to a private nursing home, which was beyond her – but which could have saved her son’s life. As the meaning of her words gradually filtered through me, long after the conversation was over, the enormity and the absolute reality of her helplessness made me feel like screaming: against a society which condemned a sensitive and innocent child like Manik kaku to death, against the monstrous indifference and corruption of the medical profession in West Bengal where patients who cannot afford a nursing home has to invariably die (inspite of the taxes we continue to pay to maintain the government hospitals), against the dead Manik kaku who could not save himself from all these, and most of all against myself for not being able to do anything, for just standing and watching as a fellow human being died (are the doctors listening?). I wanted to scream and cry and do something about it – and all I could do is write this blog which doesn’t mean anything.
He lived all his life in pain and alienation, and died helplessly, almost unloved... like a complete stranger.
(November 9, 2009)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
